Living in Frames, by meshing the lyrical moments of life with the captured images of experience. This is a reverie, a journey, the fork in the road, and the never-ending story....

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Time Flies When You are NOT Having Fun

I know, I know. I have let this blog go over 2 weeks without posting. I wish I had a really creative excuse, like I just got back from participating in water rituals in Thailand, or I was kidnapped by a band of gypsies to be sold as a love-slave...Unfortunately, I am still Stateside and my only excuse is one of time.

It is as though I woke up one day and all the extra time I once possessed, was sucked through some invisible worm-hole. Which wouldn't surprise me all that much, since the lining of my reality is appearing more and more fragile these days. Sometimes I even catch myself seeing the counterpart of my life and wondering if it could be just another dimension of existence, or perhaps where all my time is escaping off to afterall.

When I was young, I had no connection to time. My life went along a certain flow, without increments or divisions, and the only dictation I had, was instituted by my parents or by school. Summer vacations seemed to span an eternity, where who you were in one grade, was definitely not who you were going back as the following year. And evenings lasted until they interrupted a game of ball, or an innocent kiss, and your parents called you by your full-name to come back home. I miss getting so caught up in a moment or an experience, that I lose that sense of time and need to be called back. Now, I am the only one accountable for my days and I have no one else to tell me how to utilize them, other than myself. Time has become my dictator.

Until I owned a cell phone, I never wore a watch. I was given them as presents, but they were all stashed away in their original cases, in my little box of time. My cell phone however, has become a constant reminder. When I notice the clock behind the stove, on the microwave, or on the TV, I still check my cell to see if I have gained or lost a minute. It's compulsive and I hate it.
But what I find even more dispicable is that, even if I haven't checked my phone in the last minute or hour, I am still acutely aware of what time it is, without even looking. And when it comes to simple questions like, "Should I stay or go?" "Should I order another or not?", "Should I rush or meander?", it is always in regards to the time!

They say time goes by faster when you are older, because you are preoccupied with getting things done. I guess that could be true, but I would still prefer my long-lost naivety when it comes to such things. Instead, I can't help but think -- in 4 1/2 months I am going to be another year older, which means another year closer to 30, which means that much less time to do XYZ, which means I can hear the clock tick-tick-ticking, which means that now I am in a hurry and living in heat, and all the lovely things I used to take the time to stop and notice, I am brushing past, because I don't have the time!

Whoever decided to divide days into 24-hour blocks; IT WAS A REALLY, BAD IDEA! You spend almost half the day just on biological necessities, such as eating and sleeping. Then there is work and commuting. Leaving let's say generously, after maintaining your survival, 4 hours to do as you please. 4 HOURS! And we wonder why there is so many stress-induced diseases out there? Time is the culprit. I am certain of it.

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