Living in Frames, by meshing the lyrical moments of life with the captured images of experience. This is a reverie, a journey, the fork in the road, and the never-ending story....

Friday, October 26, 2012

The Time Trap

As Vonnegut would say, “I’ve been trapped in the amber of the moment. There is no why.”

I always start a fresh year thinking I have all the time in the world to accomplish the things I set out to do. By spring, I’m impatient as hell and stir-crazy because my initial undertakings are not lining up the way I hoped. And as summer presents to me brighter days, this is when I retreat inward, trying to wrangle into submission my doubts or insecurities, and just get on with it (whatever that ‘IT’ may be).
Then when the New England fall begins to show signs of drying out from the sweat of summer heat, I find that I’m at the most insularly, I become a ghost among my friends, and my biggest aggravation comes out of not having enough time or brain power to keep going at the pace I have been.
Winter is time to wrap up, and start looking toward the New Year. Halloween is right around the corner, then Thanksgiving and Christmas. These months are usually a smudge on the calendar of lights, decorations, and family gatherings. The holidays give us many excuses to celebrate what we have already done the better part of the year, pat each other on the backs and put our feet up until we must get back to it (whatever that ‘IT’ may be).

What this year has shown me is that it is time to restart my clock now, rather than wait until January 1st when everyone else does.  I’m not thinking about this in terms of being ahead, but what I am aiming for is giving myself enough time to find a long-term balance and rhythm, so that I’m not going out of my mind questioning “WHY?!” from the stress of self-imposed ambitions.
It’s time to start a new book. It is time to put into action all the things I have learned up until this point, because I love doing it; not because someone is telling me I have to. It is time to graduate to a new level. It is time for a new direction. And it is time begin again.

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